Identity

Identity For years of my life, I spent my time trying to find myself. Through various relationships, good looks, attainments and accomplishments, I tried to find my worth and value in those things. For a long time I wore this false identity not really understanding who I was in Christ let alone what I was purposed to do. Amid trying to figure it all out on my own, I became what everybody else wanted me to be rather than who I was authentically. I was a people's pleaser and would conform to anything just to be accepted by people. I'd even mimick people in my life that I admired. I couldn't expect people to love me for me if I had not first loved myself after discovering who I was.

The turning point in my life where I began to have an awareness of how dysfunctional my life had been was at a time where I married only to discover the man never truly loved, valuable, or wanted me. It was at that time where I understood he only wanted who I pretended to be. Although the standards of society had influenced me to believe I was just like every typical wordly woman filled with lust and pride, I later began to discover what it meant to be authentic and take on my identity in Christ. On the contrary I never believed God loved me. I spent years of my life sharing God's love and approval only I never had to chase it. GOD'S love was a free gift.

To be authentic means to be genuine, sincere, and honest about who I am. That doesn't mean I opt to changing my true personality whenever I want to fit in or amid my fears of rejection. Additionally, I was able to embark on a journey of getting to know myself which included exploring different activities I liked and didn't like. I remember the first time I sat in a restaurant by myself, it took time getting used to. After a while, I found how peaceful it was and how much I enjoyed my own company. I did things like going to the movies alone, tried different foods, painting, swimming, making music, walking nature trails, and bike riding. There were some I enjoyed more than others but more than anything I discovered how playful I am. I love to laugh, I love to tell jokes (even if they're corny lol), and more than anything I love smiling and meeting new people. Surprisingly enough that I discovered my love for meeting new people, I was never this way before. More important than anything I began to realize just how much God loved me. The fact that he died for my sins while I was yet a sinner says that no matter what I do, who I am, God loves me unconditionally. I since learned that Discovering God's love inspired me to live a lifestyle of receiving God's love by way of loving myself. Loving myself required me to accept who God has created me to be unapologetically.