For years I wondered what made me happy, what brought me the ultimate sense of fulfillment in life, and the sense of love/belonging. I was simply out of touch with who I was. For far too long. I had allowed those traumatic experiences of my childhood to keep me trapped in a box that I had the freedom to come out of but didn't know how.
I searched for what my soul needed the most in different persona's including trying to fit in with those around me, having this false sense of self confidence, warranting toxic relationships, and dating without pure intentions for the soul purpose of trying to find love.
Like a ship without a sail, I was on a path to wandering aimlessly through life with no clue of what life itself was all about.
It wasn't until years later beyond getting the biggest wakeup call of my life that I began to get on the right track.
What was this big wake up call you might ask?
What if I told you, the enemy led me down a path where it took no one else but God to rescue me from. I married a man within just three months of knowing him who turned out to be my worst nightmare. Amid this man prophesying to me that I was his wife, I later discovered God never sent this man at all. He turned out to be a liar, an abuser, and worst of all a murderer.
Although I escaped just in time before the worst happened to me, I must say the biggest testimony in all of this is not the fact that I didn't die at the hands of this man, but that God's love saved me.
If God's hand was not on me I would have never come to know and experience his love on this side of life.
It wasn't long after leaving the marriage I began to grow and walk very closely with God. He became my best friend, I am learning to love myself, and love others as God designed from the start.
Love is not just about a feeling or a word, love in action is sacrificial. It is a choice that isn't based on conditions.
I realized that my whole life up until, I had been chasing a feeling and not standing in the truth. The fact that God was merciful, gracious, and compassionate towards me in times where I least deserved it was his evident love for me.
As I remind myself to stop chasing a "feeling" of love, I learn to embrace God's love, love myself even when I don't feel at my best, and love others unconditionally. It is the most fulfilling thing in life itself.
This is what I call the love triangle. It is a love that never stops flowing from God, to self, and to others.
"If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us." (1 John 4:12)
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