Finally! I found the man I really wanted to be with. For years I'd been quite reserved with men. Never allowing any man too close to me. This time was different. We were compatible and I was very much so attracted to him in ways more than one. I knew things were bound to be to good too be true because we were moving way too fast. Then one night. Bam! God warned me in a dream, 'the enemy is trying to steal, kill, and destroy your purpose through this man. Thus sayeth the Lord.
Heart broken me. It felt like the rug was pulled right from under me. I immediately cut off all communication with the man. No questions asked.
I had to believe the Lord had someone better in place to fill now what was a void in my heart.
But yet and still, I vowed to the Lord that I would do his will and not my own.
Not but a day later after disconnecting with who I felt was my soul mate, someone who claimed to be a Pastor/Prophet inquired about getting to know me and dating. This has to be God! I thought. BECAUSE He wouldn't take one thing away unless he had something better, RIGHT?
WRONG!!!!! In my case, it just wasn't my time.
Amidst this now "new" man prophesying I was to be his wife then later going through what felt like a whole nightmare in the marriage, I mean, I couldn't believe it, here I thought this was a God sent man but later found out he was NOT. No one would believe the hell I went through even outside of disclosing the fact that I married a fugitive.
When it was all said and done, I was numb at first. All I could do was stop for a moment and think.
About a year later, anger began to set in. Why? because the man I really wanted to be with, God blatantly said NO. However, I was angry that God had allowed this wolf to have the most intimate parts of me without a clear sign or warning that something was completely wrong.
It hurted me and I asked God why... All I ever wanted to do was the will of God. I gave up the one thing I wanted for God but yet I felt like God had given me ashes in exchange for my obedience. Most of all the men I've ever gotten close to has abused and have manipulation in some way.
Why don't I just follow my heart from now on, I thought. It literally felt like doing things God's way was in vain.
BUT later I came to understand, there is a lesson in everything God allows us to go through. Somethings we will never understand but we have to believe that God has a plan even in the things the enemy tries to use as our downfall. Maybe God wanted to bring about a certain level of strength within me that I didn't know I had. I don't know but the bottom line is to trust him. My biggest testimony through this is, I did not give up. I didn't start doing things my way. I am trusting God even through what feels like the shadows of the valley of death. Suffering. It doesn't mean I don't get weak sometimes or ever make mistakes but at the end of the day I cant stay down. I will forever choose the will of God even when he says NO.
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